Category Archives: MFK Mondays
Marry, Fuck, Kill. Who ya got?
MFK Mondays are back! This week’s contest is between the three major dining halls/cafeterias at URI. Let’s go through the options
Hope-Pasta and stir fry stations are always a solid go-to! Burgers taste worse than Big Foot’s dick. Homestyle is hit or miss. Tracy doesn’t grill sandwiches anymore so I don’t even bother getting hot sandwiches anymore. Hope omelets on a Sunday can cure any hangover. Hell, they could probably cure polio or small pox.
Butt- Easily the nicest staff on campus. Betty may be the nicest person in the history of earth. Pizza and omelets are nice. Tacos are about as good as Jim Baron was last year. Ice cream is always a plus.
Ram’s Den- The only place on campus to get Chinese food. If it’s not General Tsao’s, it’s not worth it. Yeah you can get pizza, but its terrible. Burgers are nothing special. Sandwiches contain no meat and will stick to the wrapping.
The easiest choice is to kill off Ram’s Den. They are slow and the food tastes awful. After eating Ram’s Den you feel ready to audition for Alien.
Next, I think I have to marry Butterfield. I know this probably isn’t the most popular choice, but I fucking love ice cream. The dinners are pretty good. You can’t ever go wrong with an omelet or pizza there. Consistent quality.
So, that leaves me to fuck with Hope. Hope is just too hit or miss. Homestyle can be great or they can overcook, dry everything out, and cover it in spice. They also have a terrible habit of reusing desserts. Hope can be good, but its not a life long relationship.
After a long hiatus, we are back with our weekly specials…
This week we ask you to play Marry, Fuck, Kill with terrible ESPN2 shows.
1. First Take
2. Outside the Lines
Daytime ESPN2 programming is so bad that it should be used as punishment for thieves and murderers in prison. Unfortunately for all of you, you have to play MFK with these terrible shows.
I think the easiest way to do this is figure out which I hate the most. Skip Bayless is an asshole and needs to die. I love Stephen A, but he is not worth dealing with Skip.
Outside the lines with Bob Ley is like a shitty version of SportsCenter. It usually runs at the same time too. I wish I could kill this show too, but since I only get one kill, I guess I’ll have to fuck Bob.
That leaves me with marrying SportsNation. Horrible show, but at least the interactive features with fans can make it bearable.
Marry: SportsNation Fuck:Outside the Lines Kill: First Take