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Whoever Participates in “No Shave November” is a Dirty Hipster
Let me start off this blog saying that we live in the greatest country in the world where we have the freedom to look and dress as well or as poorly as we possibly can. Having said that, if you choose to not shave for a whole month, then you deserve to be made fun of. I think the best way to evaluate No Shave November is to compare the pros of the two..
PROS OF NOT SHAVING
- receive praise by other guys for your decision to not shave
- The possibility of birds building a nest in your messy beard. Birds are awesome.
- Always have snacks with you. Candy melts in your pocket. Beards are the new and “hip” place to store all food and leftovers.
- Resistance training at the gym.
- Maintaining a beard usually coincides with the purchase of Jorts. Usually multiple pairs are necessary. Jorts are another great way to stand out, just in case anybody misses that massive bush you have growing out of your face.
PROS OF SHAVING
- Sex. Women will have sex with you. Also because more men than usual have gross beards, your chances of getting laid will increase by shaving.
- Finding a Job. Not sure about the rest of you, but when I go for an interview, I try to look presentable and ready for business. Nobody will take you seriously if you are wearing jorts and have a birds nest on your face.
- Itch free! You will have so much time for other activities since you won’t be spending ever other second scratching that gross, itchy, beard!
- Did I mention that you’ll get laid???
Seriously, it’s gross. No normal girl will want to have sex with you. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the URI female’s perspective. Check out ThatBloggingSloot’s blog!
No Shave November
I was going to write a post about how everybody feels about No Shave November. Then I realized, how much do I actually know about No Shave November? How the fuck did it start? So I looked it up and this is what I found out: No Shave November started in Australia in the early 2000′s and was originally called “Movember.” This is because in Australia a mustache is called a “mo.” Australians would grow out their mo’s to raise money for prostate cancer. And of course, because Amurica is bigger and better than everybody, we decided to take it up a notch and grow out our beards too. ‘Murica.
How many of you Rhody students are participating in No Shave November/Movember? I am respectfully declining. From what I’ve heard, No Shave November for me would probably result in a No D December.
Bro Needs a Beard Mentor
If you are really posting an advertisement for beard-help, I think you need help for your head. Beards are stupid. Mustaches are for smug deuce-bags. Clean shaven is the way to go. Nothing says responsibility and class like a clean shaven face. Its a proven scientific fact that clean-shaven men are more successful. I know a lot of our readers are from New England and this one is gonna hurt, but lets compare the Yankees to the Red Sox. The Yankees are not allowed to have facial hair except for mustaches. (mustaches still suck. See Jason Giambi’s Yankees stats.) The Red Sox have no rules. They can grow their facial hair out (and also apparently drink beer and eat fried chicken during games). Hate to say it, but facts are facts. The Yanks have won the World Series 27 times and the Sox have won 7 times. Clean shaven is the way to go. Unless you are an ironic hipster, look like a normal fucking person and shave your face. We aren’t cavemen anymore.
