Blog Archives
Wanna Know What Grinds My Gears?
Wanna know what really grinds my gears? Rhode Island drivers. Now, I know my team and I have blogged about this countless times, but this is different. When you drive in the snow, you have to put your fucking headlights on. When the snow is blinding and you are driving your silver or white sedan down the street, how am I supposed to see you? You know in some states, its a fucking law!? Just do your part to make the roads safer and turn on your damn headlights!
PS:
Emporium Parking Problems
Source-To keep students from using the private land as a makeshift commuter lot, the Emporium has implemented an effective, but unconventional strategy. From 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. each day, a “monitor” surveys the parking space and ensures that each car’s patrons enter into a business at the plaza. Visitors who head towards the property’s perimeter will have their plates reported to J & D Towing for immediate removal from the space.
So people are getting their panties in a bunch because they can’t illegally park in the emporium anymore. They are saying how unfair this monitor system is. That the monitor may accidentally have your car towed…Um, bro, this is straightforward as shit. When you park in a private store’s parking lot, you better be going into their store. It’s not fair to the businesses located in the emporium if their customers can’t find spots. Lack of parking discourages shoppers to come to their store. Suck it up. It’s not a bad system. It keeps business going in Rhode Island. If you don’t like it, you’re a socialist. Freedom for keeping businesses open in Rhode Island. Freedom for America!
Most Stolen “Luxury Cars”
- Audi S8
- BMW M5
- Chrysler 300*
- Infiniti M35
- Cadillac STS
- Mercedes-Benz CL-Class
- Chrysler Sebring Convertible*
- Chrysler Sebring*
- Audi A8
- Volvo V70*
[Chrysler Sebring]
I want to point out that this came from AOL news. So for those of you who are still wondering, AOL still exists and apparently provides the news. But just like they didn’t have a clue about high speed internet, they don’t have a clue about cars.
You may have noticed that I placed asterisks next to a few cars. Anything with an asterisk is NOT a luxary car. It may be a very nice car, but certainly not a luxury vehicle. You can call a tomato a fruit, but you wouldn’t bake a pie with one for dessert. Just to prove that I’m right, I’m going to point out that Michael Scott drove a Chrysler Sebring. Michael Scott, by no means, drove a luxury vehicle. A Chrysler Sebring is what you drive when you want a convertible but can’t actually afford one. The Sebring was also so terrible that Chrysler stop producing them and came out with the 200 to replace it. Michael Scott should test-drive all Sebrings and drive them into lakes.
Cars and Prof Pics
So I was talking to a buddy of mine the other day who just got a new car. He was all excited about the car and somehow it came up that he was going to change his profile pic to a cell phone picture of his car. As stated previously on this site, there are just certain rules on Facebook that you gotta follow. This is one of them:
Under no circumstances is it okay to have a picture of your car be the default profile picture for your account. A profile picture is there so that when your friends are searching for you to add you as a friend, they can look at your picture and see whether this John Doe is the same John Doe they met at the party last night. Your hot shit, Honda Civic isn’t gonna help them figure that out.
This rule applies to you no matter how awesome or modest your car is. You look like a deuce if it’s a BMW that daddy bought for you and you sure as shit shouldn’t be showing off a Kia Rio.
Bottom Line: I’m not saying to not be excited about your car and put pics of it online for your friends to see. It’s exciting to get a new car. But please keep that shit to mobile uploads or its own album with fewer than 6 pictures.
Rhode Islanders Would Make the Worst Truck Drivers
Rhode Islanders hate driving. They do. If they have to drive longer than 20 minutes, they feel the need to pack the car with snacks and extra music. 20 minutes is considered long distance to a Rhode Islanders. Compare this to someone who drives for a living, hours and hours everyday. Let’s also acknowledge the fact that Rhode Islanders are terrible, inconsistent, drivers. “Directional signal? haha you make me laugh” So I guess my point is do we really want Rhode Islanders driving 18-wheel rigs? Prob not. So keep complaining about your long drives from URI to Providence. I’ll be the guy jamming out to house music and calmly driving right past you.
Substitute “Asian” for “Rhode Islander”
PS: The picture at the top features my favorite truck of all time
