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MFK Mondays: Hope, Butterfield, Ram’s Den

Feb 25

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MFK Mondays are back! This week’s contest is between the three major dining halls/cafeterias at URI. Let’s go through the options

Hope-Pasta and stir fry stations are always a solid go-to! Burgers taste worse than Big Foot’s dick. Homestyle is hit or miss. Tracy doesn’t grill sandwiches anymore so I don’t even bother getting hot sandwiches anymore. Hope omelets on a Sunday can cure any hangover. Hell, they could probably cure polio or small pox.

Butt- Easily the nicest staff on campus. Betty may be the nicest person in the history of earth. Pizza and omelets are nice. Tacos are about as good as Jim Baron was last year.  Ice cream is always a plus.

Ram’s Den- The only place on campus to get Chinese food. If it’s not General Tsao’s, it’s not worth it. Yeah you can get pizza, but its terrible. Burgers are nothing special. Sandwiches contain no meat and will stick to the wrapping.

The easiest choice is to kill off Ram’s Den. They are slow and the food tastes awful. After eating Ram’s Den you feel ready to audition for Alien.

Next, I think I have to marry Butterfield. I know this probably isn’t the most popular choice, but I fucking love ice cream. The dinners are pretty good. You can’t ever go wrong with an omelet or pizza there. Consistent quality.

So, that leaves me to fuck with Hope. Hope is just too hit or miss. Homestyle can be great or they can overcook, dry everything out, and cover it in spice. They also have a terrible habit of reusing desserts. Hope can be good, but its not a life long relationship.

PS: One of the first blogs on this site before it went public was about where to take a girl on a first date on campus!

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Senior Week Is About To Pop Off

It may be called Senior Week, but every single person at URI with any sort of interest in having any sort of sloppy fun should be there.  Tickets are 150 bucks but here’s whats included SO FAR (some things aren’t confirmed yet)

Day 1- Bustrip to Providence- Pearl Nightclub. I don’t normally like clubs in providence and bustrips in general so I personally won’t be there but it should be a bangin time for all who have interest in shit like that. Here’s the real kicker.

Day 2- Block Island at Ballards- Drinks and ferry are INCLUDED… I went to this same place for 4th of July and this place is straight up bumpin. Right on the beach, live bands, outdoor bar, bitches in bikinis, what more can you ask for?

Day 3- Party bus to Foxwoods

I don’t know the exact dates, but click the link to find out all the details.  Safe to say this will be a sick way to end my four years here.

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Rams Den Chinese Food

Jan 31

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If any of you have ever experienced the beauty and deliciousness that is the rams den general tsaos chicken, then you have also experienced whatever the fuck the rest of their food is when they don’t have general tsao. Its bad enough that you immediately feel that awful diarrhea like effects of the general tsao, but at least its worth it. That little kick of those gross processed red chili pepper things is truly a “JUMP” chinese classic (by the way, they couldnt think of a more oriental name? Jump was the best they can think of…)

But theres one problem… They serve general tsao like twice a week tops. They have replacements of the same bangin crunchy ass meat, but with different sauces that are absolutely repulsive. DUDE. HOW IS IT NOT OBVIOUS that everyone has the same opinion on this matter. The difference in quality between general tsao and everything else is probably the biggest thing on the planet. Not even kidding. Call Guinness book of world records and put this down as “biggest thing”.

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MFK Monday: Frustrated Bloggers Top 3 Pornstars

Nov 5

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1. Abella Anderson

2. Lupe Fuentes

3. Lila Star

Kill: The easy choice for kill is Lela Star.She has fucked more cock and has appeared in more videos that there is a 100% chance that her vagina is a gaping tunnel filled with STD’s and E. Coli. I would have to steer clear from fucking this sloot, I will stick to the internet for Lila.

Marry: Abella Anderson is the marriage choice. She is fairly new in the porn industry and has the best chance of being clean. She knows how to party, fuck, and moves her hips better then any porn-star I have ever seen. She has the potential for life partner status.

Fuck: For a fuck buddy or one night stand purpose, Lupe Fuentes is the girl of my dreams. She is a petite, Latina girl with a perfect ass, huge tits, and she rides like a pro. The only flaw is her annoying voice, I could not deal with her voice for the rest of my life.

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MFK Monday: Political B*tches

Oct 22

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1. Michelle Obama

2.  Hilary Clinton

3. Sarah Palin

Fuck: Without a doubt, I would destroy Palin. I would bend her over the Oval Office desk and show her what America truly stands for. Out of the 3, she is by far the best looking political bitch in the game. My red,white, and blue (but mainly white) will be all over her face. She will be screaming for America all night.

Marry: If I am going to marry one of these 3, I am marrying Michelle Obama. Not only is she an active member in the White House, but I have serious jungle fever. I could fuck her for the rest of my life. Marrying Michelle Obama would also be a direct smack to Barack Obama’s face. Nothing would piss off the failure of a president more,than marrying and banging his wife. She would also provide awesome, healthy food for me. Plus she would introduce me to many celebrity figures.

Kill: Based on elimination, Hilary Clinton is the kill. One less liberal out of politics. There is just no way I would fuck or marry her. We would be arguing politics day in and day out. Then she would become paranoid about me cheating. She would hire secret agents just to follow me and spy on me. I would never fuck her either. Too old and wrinkly and probably has a dry, dusty vagina.

Who would you marry, fuck, and kill?

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MFK Mondays: Breaking Bad Girls

Oct 15

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1. Skyler

2. Marie

3. Jane

Kill: This option is the easiest. Without question, Skyler has to go. She is a souless, evil bitch. Walter simply just wants to cook some meth to support his family and she is a completely supportive wife. She makes everyone’s life a living hell and should go fall off a cliff.

Fuck: Between Jane and Marie, Jane would have to be my fuck. I cannot marry a heroine addict. Jane is hot enough for a one time fuck with no commitment. Her personality is also very bland and boring, I will stick my dick in her once but that is all I am doing. Hopefully she doesn’t have an STD from sharing needles.

Marry: This means I get to marry Marie. Marie is the evil sister of Skyler. She deserves to be eaten by a pack of hyenas just as much as Skyler does. Since Skyler is the one to kill, I have to marry Marie. There is at least one benefit from this. She has no problem shop lifting. She can steal me whatever she wants as long  as I don’t get arrested after she commits the crimes.

Who would you marry, fuck, and kill?

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MFK Mondays: Brown, UMass Amherst, Providence College

Aug 13

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1. Providence College

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.UMass Amherst

 

 

 

 

 

3. Brown University

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kill: Without question I would kill Providence College.One of URI’s biggest rivals. The fact that students are not allowed to have over-night guests or guests at all past 10pm is blasphemy. The school also does not provide condoms for the students. At the end of the day due to this fact alone, Providence College is not really a college, more or less an organization that brain washes its students into being lame ass hole their entire life. Going without sex is not an option which is why Providence College gets killed.

Fuck: Without question I would fuck Amherst. I could not marry UMass because of the simple fact that the student body is overwhelmed with douche bags and lacks class. It is called no class UMass for a reason. It is not a school I would want to bring home and introduce to my mother. UMass is good for a one time fuck and that is all it deserves.

Marry: Due to process of elimination and the fact that Brown students make a ton of money gives all the reason to marry those no good hipsters.They might be stuck up, spoiled pricks but in the end I will have a lot more money from marrying Brown.

P.S. While married to Brown, I would annihilate Emma Watsons tight little snatch.

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MFK Mondays: Disney Princesses

Aug 6

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Ladies, I’m about to ruin your childhood!

The three we are picking from are The Little Mermaid, Cinderella, and Mulan.

Marry: Cinderella. Blonde and innocent. Knows how to clean the fucking house. I won’t ever have to worry about doing house-work again. I’m marrying cinderella and forcing her fairy god-mother to grant me wishes.  (I wish for the URI Men’s basketball team to win more than 7 games this year!)

Fuck: The Little Mermaid. This one was a no-brainer. Who wouldn’t want to fuck a mermaid? Being a red-head is deff a plus. Plus she’s got a nice, firm, swimmers body.

Kill: Mulan. As much as I’ve always wanted to hook-up with an asian, I gotta kill someone. And sorry I’d rather fuck a mermaid than an asian. Plus Mulan looks too much like a dude. She could prob kick my ass. I could never be with an intimidating girl who is more jacked than me or who could beat me up.

Posted in MFK Mondays, Viral City

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Horny Bull Tries to F*ck Man in Arkansas

Aug 3

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Source-SHERWOOD, Ark. (AP) — A bull in the mood for love damaged an Arkansas sheriff’s patrol car when it tried to mount a man who was leading the animal across a yard…The Log Cabin Democrat reports that as the patrol car drew near, the animal reared up and pinned the man against the vehicle. According to the deputy’s report, the bull then “tried to mate with him.”

Just a typical day in Arkansas from what I hear about that state. The man probably liked it too. And even if he didn’t like it there’s nothing he could do about it. If the bull is horny, then he is gonna fuck you. You gotta just take it like a man. Don’t cry and don’t show weakness. You definitely can’t shoot the bull because it’s worth too much alive. Farmers just doing the damn thing and providing for America. So when you eat your next Big Mac, just know that somewhere there was a farmer who took a bull cock up the ass so you could eat at Mickey Dees!

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MFK Monday: Blackberry, Iphone, and Android

Jul 23

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1. Blackberry

crackberry

2. Iphone

iphone

3. Android

droid

Kill: I will start with kill because this is pretty obvious. We need to just put Blackberry out of its misery, we all know that there is not shot for a comeback with Blackberry. It is just a dying business awaiting its assassination.

Marry: Even though marrying the Iphone would be very expensive, it would be a long lasting, reliable marriage. There are endless applications and possibilities and the Iphone comes from the wealthiest family in the business, Apple. This would be an easy way to screw Apple out of some money.

Fuck: Due to process of elimination I have to fuck the Android. The Androids are much sexier phones but they are not long lasting or reliable. They are pretty much only good for a quick fuck. They are powerhouses when they are working but after a year they shut down and you always need to upgrade before your contract is up.

Posted in MFK Mondays, Viral City

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