Sounds delicious…
Blog Archives
Quidditch is Back!
It’s not the size of the broom that matters, its how you use it. Are these kids the cockiest dudes at URI? We already declared the Karate Kids on the Quad were the toughest on campus. These bros are in a serious IDGAF mode. Just quidditching all over the place like you read about . Oh you’re walking to class on the quad? That doesn’t matter. Quidditch kids assert their physical dominance over anyone in their path. You want the last piece of cake at Hope? Let me just swoop down on it with my broom and snatch it right out of your hands. Cockiest motherfuckers around. 0% chance that any of them are virgins. Not with that attitude. Breaking hearts and taking names.
URI Because Who Doesn’t Love Ice-Skating to Class?
You gotta love how URI handles snow storms. They wait for the snow to melt and then it freezes over night. I gurantee that campus will be a sheet of ice tomorrow to mark the beginning of the spring semester. I predict to see at least three people fall and hear about another ten more falling from my friends. You literally take life into your own hands when you walk around school after a snow storm. The worst thing is that it’s only syllabus day tomorrow. I can’t be rooting for school cancellation on the biggest joke of a day of classes. Too early for that. I need to save snow days for when I’m hungover for that huge test in late March.
The Library is the Worst Place to Study During Finals
Think about it for a second….yeah I’m right! Everyone and their mother crams themselves into the library to “study” and “get away from distractions.” I don’t care how unpopular you may be, there is a 200% chance of running into at least 7 people who you know. And when I say “run into” I mean they will come over and ask the same shit:
- how’s studying going?
- what’d you do last weekend
- when do you go home
- do you want to grab a razzbull with me?
- Did you hear about the library rager?
These are my suggestions for ideal study venues:
- locked study lounges
- in your room
- Ronzio’s’ benches in the union
- private study rooms in the library
- ANYWHERE BUT THE 24 HOUR ROOM
Sleeping Beauty
So the other day I was walking through the dorm and I saw some kid passed out in the laundry room. What a freshmen move! Bitch fell asleep with shoes on! No excuses for this move. Freedom from sleeping hobos in the laundry room! Freedom for America!
PS: This kid was deff sexiled, right?
Go The F*ck To Sleep
All was still on September 1st,
the freshmen could not wait to move in.
All their bags were packed,
they couldn’t wait for the fun to begin.
Nothing stirred or made a peep
after the mom told her 18 year old son…
TO GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP
