Read the Providence Journal article first, or go have an excellent. Hey guys, know what would be wicked fun? Going to the movies? No. Getting wasted? No. Chillin’ with the bros, breh? No, you idiots. DOWNLOADING CHILD PORN!
Little did little Dylan Byrne know that his fun was about to come to a crashing halt.
“State Police, plant your dick in the floor and pray backwards! You’re under arrest!”
“Aw schucks, the fuzz! Steve, hide your shrooms, man!”
“Sweet, two for one special! Looks like you got your prison butt-buddy early, Dylan.”
What the fuck happened to crying while jacking off in a dorm bathroom and drunken misogyny, rioting and being beaten by the URI police at 3AM in your shitting fucking freshman party clothes and cookie-cutter douchebag baseball cap?
What is wrong with America? Is this what URI freshmen do to get their rocks off nowadays?
This has been quite the month. First John Holton, now this. Soon we’ll have enough sexual deviants and serious criminal offenders at URI to stage a mural painting of a new Last Supper, with John Holton as Jesus and Dylan Byrne as the Virgin Mary. We’ll call it Morons Who Got What They Deserved Crying at a Table.
Fuck you Dylan Byrne. Welcome to the internet, and prison. Now, get the fuck out of URI.
Since he’ll likely be a registered sexual deviant, here’s all his public info, because I’m nice guy like that.
Byrne, Dylan Padraig - Undergraduate, Physics Department.
42 Lockwood Lane Norwalk, CT 06851 (203) 855-9984