Blog Archives
I REALLY Hate Self Taken Photos
I have always hated people who take self-photos on Facebook but recently I have noticed something even more annoying about them. Why the fuck do you think you can justify taking a stupid selfie with a description like “Selfie, to celebrate the snow day” or “New day, New me”? Those descriptions are useless titles that do not justify a single reason to upload a new selfie every 5 minutes. We know what you fucking look like, you are an attention seeking whore bag. Those dumb ass titles do not for any reason justify the attention seeking waste of Facebook space. Here are other examples of dumb ass reasons I have seen:
- “Selfie Sunday”
- “:)”
- “Time for class Selfie”
- “First day of work Selfie”
- “SWAG”
These are just a few examples of how people try to justify looking like a duck allover Facebook or taking useless selfie’s. For the sake of humanity, stop looking for the attention and actually interact with people in person for once instead of dwelling on your Facebook “friends” liking all of your shit.
P.S. You might as well title your selfies to say “Here is another fucking picture of what I look like with the same facial expression, please like it so I can get a self-esteem boost and stop worrying about my pitiful existence of a life”
Fight Night Friday: URI Ramettes vs. URI Cheerleaders
1. Ramettes
2. Cheerleaders
Who do you think would win this brawl? In my opinion, unless it is a dance off, URI cheerleaders will spank the shit out of the Ramettes. Have you seen our cheerleaders? They are pumping more testosterone than our football team. They are jacked as fuck, and will train wreck the Ramettes. The Ramettes might be a lot hotter and have better dancing, but in a cat fight they are getting their hair pulled out and their boobs punched in. The URI cheerleaders are a reckoning force of muscle juice and pure tenacity.
P.S. I am pretty sure one of the cheerleaders is a full shaved gorilla.
Hamilton College, Weirdest College on the Planet
Recently I visited Hamilton College for a huge ass party (apparently the biggest party of the year). The only problem was that the party was themed Rocky Horror Picture Show. In other words, chicks dressed in lingerie and guys had to cross dress. I opted out of the cross-dressing and decided to just dress like a stripper instead. This worked out great for me because by the end of the night I had given 6 girls lap dances and a hot Asian let me crack open her fortune cookie and fuck the shit out of her. But that’s not the point of this blog.
Being surrounded by a ton of flaming liberals dressed like women was fucking creepy. I felt so out of place. What made the trip blog-worthy is the fact that this school has only 1,800 students. At a school with 1,800 students, everyone knows everyone, and if you have fucked one person, you have fucked them all. The girls at a school like this are horny as fuck for outsiders. The school is located in upstate New York (AKA: the middle of nowhere) So if you are a normal looking, attractive guy, you will get fucked and end up giving a ton of sloots lap-dances. So go fucking road-trip to other schools, preferably a school with a small student count, makes getting laid as easy as whipping your dick out.
New Jersey Finds Abnormal Creatures in the Water
Source: I take it that no one is not a single bit surprised that these creatures were discovered right? I mean, abnormal creatures were bound to be found in New Jersey eventually. The water is contaminated beyond belief, you cannot drive through New Jersey without holding your breathe, easily the most disgusting place on the planet. The only solution I can think of for these specific creatures though is that there is a solid chance that they were once the dicks of men before they encountered Snookis vagina. The only place that is arguably more disgusting then New Jersey, is the snatch of Snooki. Chances are once you sleep with her, you get a rare disease that causes your dick to fall off and mutate into a blood sucking alien living in New Jerseys waters. These dick like creatures have to be the next generation STD being spread by our least favorite creature on the planet, Snooki. In other words, watch where you put your dicks, especially around New Jersey.
The Do’s and Dont’s for your Man on Valentines Day
DO:
- It is absolutely essential to buy a brand new set of lingerie. Get something sexy and tiny and throw it on if you want to keep your man.
- BLOWJOB! Chances are he will buy you flowers and chocolates and bring you out for a romantic dinner, the least you can do is swallow some cum.
- A few chocolate’s don’t hurt, everyone loves chocolate. Alcohol is also a big plus.
- Bonus points if you give your man the opportunity to plow you in the ass. Anal sex is the best gift you can give him.
- Double bonus points if you bring a hot friend along to fuck. Threesome would be the gift he never forgets.
Don’t:
- Try to stay off your phone for the day. Chances are he is spending a lot more money on you then you are spending on him so show him some attention.
- Break up: This is a given, worst day in the year to break up with someone.
- DO NOT get a cheesy gift, all we want is some chocolate and awesome, mind blowing sex.
- No double dates. The day is for the two of you only so DO NOT invite your friend and their partner.
- DO NOT expect or be disappointed if you do not get an expensive piece of jewelry.
How Does This B*tch Fight in High Heels?
So I was watching Resident Evil the other day and this character named Ada Wong was an absolute bad-ass. What bothered the fuck out of me though is how she was able to kick so much ass in high heels when sloots at Bon Vue cannot walk from the parking lot to the front door without stumbling. She is able to spring, flip, kick, and run town on a zombie apocalypse while Jersey sloots fail to walk. Itis a major turn off if a girl cannot walk in heels, they look sloppy and will not be able to keep up on the dance floor. Learn to walk or don’t show up.
P.S. Flats are perfectly acceptable.
It’s Thursday and there are NO CLASSES!
If you are not getting shitfaced in Hope Dining hall at 6:30pm, you are not appreciating the fact that classes are cancelled. URI ranked number 38 party school in the nation and to keep that reputation up, more people need to get shitfaced in Hope dining hall with me. It is Thirsty Thursday Bitches, get drunk, and get your dick sucked!
